


We would only hold on to let go

by DestinationDarkness



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), Sauli Koskinen RPF
Genre: Fluff and Smut, M/M, Rimming, bottom!Adam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-08
Updated: 2015-04-08
Packaged: 2018-03-21 21:13:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3704965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DestinationDarkness/pseuds/DestinationDarkness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The song changes again into something heavy and thick, and Sauli almost misses Adam’s small “fuck” over the bass thumping heavy all around him. </p>
<p>“Yeah, I wanna do that when we get home… You need it Adam, I can see it on you, you want it,” he mumbles back while grabbing one of his hands, moves it down to his thigh. </p>
<p>Something vulnerable passes in Adam’s expression, and for a second Sauli is afraid that was the wrong thing to say, or at least that it’s the wrong place to say it. But then Adam presses his cheek again Sauli’s and his moan has a tortured, longing edge to it, and fuck it if Sauli doesn’t almost cream himself at that. He’s never heard anything like it out of Adam’s mouth, and it blows his mind. Adam is really submitting to him, right here on the dancefloor.</p>
            </blockquote>





	We would only hold on to let go

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Adamfuckmelambert](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adamfuckmelambert/gifts).



> Written as a birthday gift for Emke.
> 
> Title taken from the song "Lean On" by Major Lazor, DJ Snake and MØ

Adam gives Sauli a look over the ridge of his glass. His eyebrows hike up as he fits the straw into his mouth and gives it a short suck. They stare at each other for a moment, before cracking up into a huge grin at the same time.

“You are ridiculous,” Sauli says, but he’s smiling as he leans into Adam’s side and kisses his cheek. He can see the love and mischief mixing in Adam’s eyes as he leans down, whispers in Sauli’s ear.

“And you love it.” His breath tickles Sauli’s throat, and he fights the urge to squirm. He doesn’t give Adam an answer, not a verbal one anyway, just tips his head up and pecks him on the mouth. 

“Come dance with me,” he says, and Adam almost doesn’t hear him, too busy chasing his lips. When Sauli giggles and slides out of the booth before he gets the chance, Adam pouts before his brain catches up with that Sauli said. 

“I love dancing,” he says, his voice gone a little lower, more dangerous. Every single person that has ever seen Adam for more than 3 minutes knows about his side of him, this dark, predatory animal that comes out oh so often. But very few have been the target of his attention when he gets like this, and Sauli can feel his heartbeat speed up even though he should be used to it by now. As if it’s possible to ever get used.

They walk down to the dancefloor hand in hand, but as soon as they get there Adam pushes his body up flush to Sauli’s, back to chest. The beat is something light and summery, a remix of something Sauli vaguely remembers hearing during one of his and Adam’s trips to Runyon. It isn’t on any of his lists though, so it must be from one of the days where Adam got to pick the music. He leans back into his boyfriend, lets one hand sneak up around his neck, and lets himself feel the music, feel the amazing man behind him. Just as he starts to get into it and relax, the song changes to something a lot darker, proper club sexy, and he knows the hands are coming even before they grab his hips.

He loves this. He loves having Adam grab him a little harder than he needs to, he loves feeling him grind into him, his hips moving with a purpose. He loves having Adam breathe all over his neck, nibbling at times but mostly just breathing, panting. But most of all he loves how the music connects them. Right here, in situations like this, it feels like they’re alone in the world. Even though they’re in the middle of a packed club, where at least half of the people in there are gravitating towards Adam as everyone tends to do, he doesn’t even notice it. Those people mean nothing to Adam, he has his entire focus on Sauli. 

He can’t help but grin as Adam moans quietly in his ear, his breath hitching slightly, and rubs his crotch fully into Sauli’s ass. Everyone always thinks that Adam is the one in total control in these situations, but really he’s in Sauli’s mercy. Adam doesn’t have the same patience and endurance, not that he’s complaining. 

Reaching back even more with the arm hooked around Adam’s neck, he fists into the hair at his neck and forces him down a bit. Rolling his body in a sinful move, he lets his head fall back and looks up into those seriously bed heavy eyes. 

“Adam, baby, I want you,” he whispers in his ear, moans under his breath as his words make Adam grab harder at his hips. 

“Do you think we could come like this? Here, among all these people? I want to try. Please, Adam?” he continues while pushing his body even closer to his boyfriend, really grinds back into his crotch now. Adam’s moan, cracked and real and a lot louder than the previous ones draws a few looks to them, but he ignores it. It’s not about him now, it’s about Adam. He loves it when he gets like this, submissive and totally responsive to Sauli. 

The song changes again into something heavy and thick, and Sauli almost misses Adam’s small “fuck” over the bass thumping heavy all around him. 

“Yeah, I wanna do that when we get home… You need it Adam, I can see it on you, you want it,” he mumbles back while grabbing one of his hands, moves it down to his thigh. 

Something vulnerable passes in Adam’s expression, and for a second Sauli is afraid that was the wrong thing to say, or at least that it’s the wrong place to say it. But then Adam presses his cheek again Sauli’s and his moan has a tortured, longing edge to it, and fuck it if Sauli doesn’t almost cream himself at that. He’s never heard anything like it out of Adam’s mouth, and it blows his mind. Adam is really submitting to him, right here on the dancefloor. 

He slips out of Adam’s iron grip with a bit of a struggle and turns around, frames Adam’s face with his hands. He’s breathing hard, eyes closed and dark hair in a curly, sweaty mess all over his forehead. He’s so gorgeous it hurts. 

“Adam, oh god, Adam,” Sauli whispers against his lips, pressing as close to him as he can get, and he feels Adam’s shiver through the layers of clothes separating them. 

The “Sauli,” that follows almost like a whine nearly kills him. God, how is this man his? He shoves up, forcing Adam’s mouth open and a delicious desperate sound out of his throat. Sauli moans loudly into his mouth, grabs harder at Adam’s jaw and kisses him hard. Normally Adam would fight back, take charge, but now he’s completely responsive to what Sauli wants him to do instead.

As he takes Adam’s hand and drags him out of there with new determination, Sauli comes to the realization that it’s been far too long since Adam got to let go of control. He’s a high strung person, always in charge and almost obnoxious in his constant need to be in control and keep things moving. The Adam that’s nuzzling Sauli’s throat and whimpering into their kisses in the backseat of the taxi is the complete opposite of that. Sauli can barely breathe, he’s so turned on. 

They stumble in through the front door and drop their jackets on the floor. Something slows down a bit as Sauli takes Adam’s hand in his, leads him to their bedroom. It seems right somehow, to not rush it. This is Adam letting go, and Sauli wants to treasure that. When Adam starts to fumble with Sauli’s shirt he gently puts his hands on top of his, guiding them down to his hips.

“You just hold on to me and relax baby, I’ll take care of it and of you,” he whispers and presses a small kiss to the side of his mouth. He takes his time undressing them both, letting lingering touches sweep all over Adam’s body and loving the shivers that follow. He can see that Adam is a little bit uncomfortable still, even after all his years as a sexually active man, with being touched like this. Usually he’s in charge and decides when and where his lover gets to touch, so this is bringing old fears and feelings to the surface.

“You are so beautiful,” Sauli says, his voice a caress as much as his hands. He lets his hands slide down Adam’s stomach, loving the soft skin under his hands. “So, so beautiful.”

Adam sucks in a breath and Sauli can see him fighting his instinct to pull his stomach in. He can’t even begin to describe the feeling of pride when Adam wraps his arms around him instead, breathes quietly in his ear and whispers “I trust you” instead.

“I know Adam. I won’t let you down, I promise,” he whispers back and holds him close. He’s never seen Adam this vulnerable, despite the fact that Adam’s bottomed for him before. What’s so different this time he doesn’t know, but it is. 

“Lay down babe, I’ll take care of you.” 

Adam lingers a few seconds before stepping back and getting down on the bed. He spreads his legs a bit, making enough room for Sauli to fit between his legs but not comfortable enough for spreading them more yet. Sauli’s heart swells as Adam’s eyes slip shut when he leans down over him and kisses him softly. He starts out carefully, just touching all over Adam’s torso and shoulders until he starts to relax a bit and his legs slip out wider, if just a little bit. 

When Sauli breaks the kiss, Adam whimpers at the loss. Instantly he’s there, his hands framing his face gently. The second Adam opens his eyes and looks up at him, still a little bit breathless, he lets his hands wander up to his temples and massages lightly. “I know it’s hard, but you have to let go for me. I can see that you need it, you crave it, you have to let go just a little bit more my love. I’ll take you. You don’t have to be scared, I promise,” he says slowly and feels his heart crash against his chest when Adam’s eyes instantly squeeze shut at the word “scared”. 

“I don’t…. I’ve never…. Sauli,” he says quietly, almost like he’s ashamed of voicing how scared he is. A million different expression passes over his face, until he finally takes a deep breath, grabs Sauli’s face in his hands and god damn nearly whimpers “okay.” His legs slip wide open as he lets his head fall back on the pillows, letting go of that last little bit of control and giving himself over. It’s the most beautiful thing Sauli’s ever seen, and the fact that Adam just said he’s never done it before is killing him. How did he ever get this lucky?

He kisses Adam’s throat, sucking a mark into it slowly and feels Adam’s moan under his lips. He knows Adam loves getting marked although he’s never admitted it out loud, and tonight it’s all about making Adam feel good. He’s being so brave, completely letting go of everything like he never ever does, and Sauli is going to treasure it like his life depends on it. 

“Turn around baby, take it slow,” he says softly and nudges his side with a warm palm. When Adam rolls over and grabs a pillow into his arms, hides his face in it, Sauli is presented with acres of gorgeous, soft, freckled skin all the way from Adam’s feet up into his hair. He leans down, fits his body to Adam’s and kisses his neck as his hands slide down his sides. 

“Beautiful,” is kissed into his skin as he moves down over his shoulders and spine. He takes a long time to move down all the way to the curve of his ass, appreciating and giving every inch, every freckle on Adam’s skin attention and love. They’re both breathing a lot heavier by the time he carefully lays kisses down the crack, all the way down to his balls that are slightly crushed under him, and then moves up again to nuzzle and kiss that tiny hole.

It’s been months since they last did this, and Adam is still tense. In a calm motion not to startle his lover he swipes his tongue over the sensitive skin and is instantly rewarded with Adam’s legs shifting under him. With a cooing sound he does it again, works him open ever so slowly until he can get his tongue in there. Adam instantly moans quietly, his face moving out of the pillow to lie on the side instead, his eyes squeezed shut on a small “please.”

He gets in there a bit more, gives Adam what he asked for while still being gentle, touching him everywhere. Adam’s squirming under him, unable to stay still and his breath is coming out in puffs of air. Sauli has to concentrate greatly on what he’s doing to keep his mind, and dick, from getting ahead of him. When Adam starts whimpering, he has to move away and lean his forehead against the dip in Adam’s spine. 

“Adam…. Do you…. Should we use a rubber or do you want to go without?” he asks carefully. They’ve done it a few times, only ever while making love, but he wants to be sure. 

“Without” comes back to him, and he can’t help but smile at that. 

“I’m just going to get lube, try to stay relaxed for me, okay?” he says as he gets up carefully. He lets his dick drag a little bit against the inside of Adam’s thigh as he moves, and loves when that earns him a deep moan from Adam. He’s back again quickly, lid already opened, and smears it carefully against his boyfriend’s skin after warming it up with his hand. Slowly two fingers slide in, Adam already opened up for it from his tongue, and they moan in unison. Adam’s legs start shifting again, drawing up and dropping down again as if he can’t decide what to do with them, which pose he wants to be in. With a hand at the small of his back Sauli murmurs endearments to him, telling him how well he’s doing, how beautiful he’s looking. 

A few minutes later, Adam’s legs are spread as wide as they can go. “Are you ready?” he whispers softly, gives Adam a chance to back out if he wants to. He bends down to kiss his cheek when Adam just nods, flexing his arms around the pillow that’s still in a death grip in his hands. 

Every so carefully, Sauli starts slipping inside him, stopping every few seconds to let Adam get used to the feeling before pushing deeper until he’s finally in as long as he can go. He leans down, cautious not to move his hips as he does so, and works Adam’s hands out of their grip around the pillow and down flat on the bed. “I love you so much,” he says into his ear as he twines their fingers together, holds onto his boyfriend tightly and feels him do the same back. In a tender moment, they just lie there and breathe together. Then Adam shifts his hips and whimpers, and Sauli has to move or he’s going to die. Gently, like he’s afraid of breaking the man in his arms, he moves his hips, gets another one of those tortured sounds out of Adam’s mouth, like the one at the club. They shift together, find a slow rhythm that is making them both at a complete loss for words. 

It’s the most amazing thing he’s ever felt. Not only does it feel amazing physically, this is the first time he’s been inside Adam completely bare and he’s not going to last long, but even more so it’s something completely unique emotionally. Adam is letting him see this side of him, this emotional side that has deep needs to let go, and the love that’s radiating in the air between them is thick like smoke. 

He can hardly breathe by the time Adam starts shifting again, tugging at Sauli’s hand to let go. He smiles into his neck, lets Adam get his hand down under him but follows with his own hand. Together they wrap around his cock, starts pumping it in the same gentle tempo as their hips are moving, and Adam moans brokenly. 

“It’s okay baby, let go,” he whispers to him, fits his cheek to Adam’s and squeezes his other hand hard. Adam stops breathing as they speed up, just a little, and then goes completely still and quiet as the thick liquid spills all over their hands. Sauli keeps on moving his hand, squeezes right under the ridge and drags his thumb over the small opening, wishing he could see it all leaking out of there.

In a second all the strength leaves Adam’s body as he goes completely boneless, sags down into the bed and starts shivering, moaning like it hurts. It barely takes Sauli seconds to come after that, and he pushes his cheek harder against Adam’s, drinks in the relaxation. 

They lay there for many minutes, just breathing, before Sauli has to let go and climb up a bit. He slides out carefully and moans when the white sticky mess leaks out of Adam, down the inside of his thighs. 

“God you’re gorgeous,” he moans quietly and runs a finger up the backside of his right thigh, feels the tremble in the muscles he touches. He’s reluctant to move away, but if he doesn’t they’re going to have to shower and he doesn’t want Adam to have to get up. Quickly cleaning them both up, he then snuggles down into bed, face to face with the love of his life.

For a while he just watches him breathe, his face and entire body totally relaxed, before gently letting his thumb grace over his cheek bone. 

“Thank you,” Adam whispers when he feels the touch and opens up his eyes. They stare at each other for long minutes, just drowning in each other’s eyes and that says more than words could ever do. 

Without a word, they move together for a loving, soft kiss as the night takes over and drags them silently into sleep.


End file.
